Hey guys! So I'm going to start making more videos like this, just because these are thoughts that I generally have in my head and to actually stop and make a video takes a lot of time. So bare with me and I'm making some coffee. This is the kind that I like — this Green Mountain Breakfast Blend. And then I put some really bad sugary stuff in it.


Let's just say that I don't really like coffee. I just like the creamer, but I've been struggling with some things lately. I told you, I'm literally making coffee, you're making coffee with me. I've been struggling with some stuff lately. And I think it's really important to talk about because the majority of the people that follow me are women.  I feel like a lot of these women also happen to be Moms. And I know that I'm not alone in the way that I feel about this because I get a lot of DMs anytime I open up about how I'm feeling or what I'm going through. A lot of people reach out and maybe they feel the same.  


One of the things that I've been struggling with lately, I would say for probably the past, for sure, six months, maybe longer is — this is even embarrassing to talk about. I just don't feel, I don't feel a lot of things. I don't feel attractive. I don't feel sexy. I don't even want to be sexual. I don't, I feel embarrassed over the idea of expressing what I'd like sexually or what works for me sexually. I have contradictions with the religion and how I was brought up. Like, I was brought up in an extremely religious household. And so I have a lot of biblical unbunking to do, or debunking, to do whenever it comes to shame associated with sexuality, especially women's sexuality. And so there's just a lot of things going on in my mind lately.


And I was like, man, I should really talk about this. And this isn't something that I want to talk about on Instagram specifically. Because for one, I love Instagram. You know, I love Instagram, but that leaves a lot of doors open for bashing of any kind of sort. And the people that are with me, with my blog, the people that are watching this. You guys are my people. You guys are the ones that I feel like I can be myself with completely. I can be vulnerable with you because you're obviously watching this because you are genuinely interested in what I have to say and not just giving me your opinion. 


And so this is, I call it therapizing. I therapize myself. I will literally talk out, like I will talk out loud in my car whenever I'm driving. I'll be like, “so how does this make me feel? So the way it makes me feel is this and this and this.” And I think it's because I never got over my first boyfriend.


Like, that sort of thing. Like I literally, I literally talk out loud. I call it therapizing myself. So you're with me in this therapizing session. We have some coffee, but let's get started. Okay. So here we are. I got my coffee. My daughter's toys are everywhere per usual.  So when I was taking a walk this morning, like I said, I was thinking about all of this stuff and I've been talking a lot about it with my girlfriends. Because they don't understand, they don't understand many things about my life. Like, they are the most amazing people that I can ever ask for in my life. But I feel like I have one friend that I talk to consistently that has children.


And I also feel like being a mom also plays heavily into everything that I was talking about a minute ago, being sexually active, feeling sexual, feeling attractive, knowing the boundaries. And if they're even our boundaries between being a single mom who wants to have a sexual relationship, but like, can I have one with no strings attached? Should I have one with no strings attached?


Should that person be in the house? Should Harper meet them?  Like, there are so many things that go into it that people that don't have children don't understand. That's just the tip of the iceberg because then you have this, like what I was talking about earlier with like this shame that's associated with women's sexuality. Is that I feel like even talking about something sexual where Harper could someday see it or be influenced by it, is a bad thing. It's not leading by example. It's not being moral. It's not being a woman of God. And I don't necessarily believe that, but that's what I've been programmed to believe. 


So these are like, along with all of these things going through my head, there's also the struggle of literally trying to decide what is factual or what is what I was made to believe. Which are two very different things. So I've decided that these are the beliefs that I have chosen to believe that are true. And these are the things, this is why I wanted to talk about this in like a quickie little blog. Before I had Harper, before I was a mom,  before I gave up my time, my life, some of my desires. Before I gave up a lot of the things that I wanted, I was a human before she came along. And being a human means that you have emotional needs that need to be met. It means you have physical needs that need to be met. Mentally.  You have mental needs that need to be met.


And you also have sexual needs that need to be met. You have psychological needs that need to be met. None of those things go away. But as women become mothers, a lot of that gets put on the back burner. And also because it's not talked about publicly a lot, like especially social media or like I said. 


There's one, even if it's not religious based, there's a lot of shame associated with women's sexuality. And I feel like that's definitely come more into light the past couple of years, but it's still very like, you only talk about it with like your very closest friends. And even that is like, better hope that they don't judge you for it. You know what I mean?


So I've decided that these are the truths that I hold. These are the things that I hold to be true for me. Before I had Harper, I was a human being. I'm still a human being. So all of those needs that I was talking about a minute ago are still there and they still need met. I'm also still a woman.


And that didn't change whenever I became a mom. And whenever I think about perhaps like, you know, cause like social media is a lot, is a way that a lot of people express themselves and I fully encourage that. And so whenever I think about posting something that might be like a somewhat sultry photo for me. Cause I have a hard time being sexual,


especially publicly. Like I just don't consider myself like a sexual being. Like I've literally have a hard time, like thinking that I'm sexy. Like I don't dance sexy. I don't say like sexy things. I'm a goofball. And I talk about farting a lot. Like I have a hard time, with accepting my own sexuality, let alone having someone else  accept my sexuality.


And so I've decided that I was all of these things before Harper even existed. Before  mother even became part of my title. And so whenever I think about posting a picture that might be sultry or sexy or like a boudoir photo or something like that.  I was worried that I might embarrass her whenever she gets older. But then I started thinking like,


what if Harper one day becomes a mom? Like it's a very good chance that she will. And it's obviously perfectly fine if she doesn't, but chances are she's going to be feeling this way too. Like at some point she's going to be like, God, like between being a mom and a business owner, where does this fit into my life now?


Because if you are one , let alone two of those things, they are very consuming. They are all consuming, especially like being a mom because that takes the front row seat. And that is constant nonstop while you're asleep while you're away on vacation while you're working while it's nonstop. So there's never really a break where you can be like, okay, like let me like tap back into myself.


Like it's a whole process. And so that automatically gets put on the back burner. And so I've decided that I need to focus more on my needs and my wants and the things that are important to me because anytime you neglect your own needs, you're not helping anybody else. That's why I always use the analogy. Like whenever you're on an airplane and like,


you know, like those little masks things fall down. They say to always put it on yourself first and then help the person next to you. Because you're useless to everyone around you if you're not helping yourself. If you're not taking care of yourself first, you just become dead weight. And so if she were to ever see something or experienced something that I did that was sexual or like a talked about, you know, anything, sexual. Being attractive, struggling with even like my hormones changing and how much that's probably playing into this. Cause being in my mid thirties, like my hormones have decided to just say, *&$^ you, Liz. Like it's been a disaster. But what if she had a positive experience with someone being sexual that she looks up to or who has set a good example with everything else?


Like how much that could change her life and how positive that might be for her. Should she ever find herself in the same kind of shoes? And so I just wanted, I know that like 97% of the people that follow me truly, it's like 97.3% of my followers are women.  And a good, vast majority of them are moms.


And so even though this is not business related, this is not even Pebby Forevee related. This is coming from someone who, who loves to be genuine and most helpful. Like I want to be helpful in every way possible. And on my walk this morning these are just thoughts I was thinking.  I was just like, these are thoughts that I've been thinking about a lot for probably like the last month.


Like it's been like all consuming. Cause I'm like, what is wrong with me that I just don't even feel  sexy. I don't, I don't feel sexy. Like I don't feel like even whenever I look my best, it's still like.  And I don't know if it's because of the weight that I've gained. I don't know if it's because my hormones are all out of whack. And all of these other things are coming into play.


But at the end of the day, I need to take care of myself. I need to make myself a priority. And I wanted to encourage you to do the same. If you are feeling the same way, if you are going through some hormonal changes. I talked earlier about it in my Instagram stories, how I went to EverlyWell and got a hormone kit and it showed that my hormones are all over the place.


And basically I need to see a doctor or like a hormonal specialist to get them all checked. But aside from that, there's a lot of psychological things that need to be worked out as well. And my first step is admitting that I have a hard time being sexual. And so therefore I have a hard time knowing or accepting that anyone else could find me sexual.


And that it's okay to be sexual and to want to be sexual. Those are two, two huge things that like, I feel, especially whenever you come become a mom is really hard to admit. So I just wanted to encourage you today that if you are feeling this way, you are not alone. You know, someone like me is even struggling with it.


And I just wanted you to hear my thoughts and to remind you to be true to you. And I will see you next time.